I find it HARD TO RELEASE my anger. I really want to learn how to do it. This has kept me from meeting friends and learning how to talk to people. It has kept me away from growing up.
I have a lot of it, I guess I can say. I need to learn to release. I also never really do things. I am not very good with people. I tend to hold things in and not talk about them.
I really want to learn to talk to people so that I can grow and start to take a hole of my life. I really really want to accomplish something out of my life so that I can become a better person.
I want to live up to my full potential so that I can grow and start ti take care of myself better. This is what I really want to do.
I know that I am a good person, but i have made so many mistakes in the past. It is really hard of me to admit that I am wrong.
But, I am wrong a lot of times.
The first things that I did was I went to church for the first time in 3 years last sunday. I went to this placed called Unity church. It is based more on new age. I really like it. It was a really small church and it looked like people were really nice to each other.
They were really nice to me when I walked through the door. I was really surprised about that. It kind of frightened me too because I am not use to people being nice to me.
I guess for me to explain is if you read my other post about empathic help. You may understand.
But, I really want to start to take care of all my past faults so that I can grow more and help other people. But, first I must put other people on hold so that I can help myself. The only exception is my daughter of course.
I am not talking about being rude or mean. But, for example my friend is moving and she asked me to help her move. I think she thought that I would say yes. But, I said I can't. The reason was my sister was up from out of town for the weekend and I wanted to see her.
That is I guess what I mean. I always thought to keep friends I had to put them ahead of myself always. I never even took care of myself. I did this for fear of making people talk about me behind my back, or saying something negative about myself.
Now, I am learning not to really care what other people think. I know if I didn't do anything to be rude or mean than there is no reason that I should worry about it.
But, I do know that I need to be on terms with all people. I need to be nice to people and not jump to conclusion about people. Stop trying to worry about what other people think about me.
I am also a very shy person most of the time.
I guess, I need advice on how to be patient, self confidence, and learning self love. That is what I truly want to do.
I decided to attend the unity church more frequently i think that it will help me with people in general. I can also take my 2.6 year old there for Sunday school too.
Also I am thinking of going to therapy. I think this will help. I just hate spending money on that though. Because I did go a couple of years ago. All the lady did would sit and not say anything and just listen to me talk.
I know things can't be solved over night. But, I mean I need more advice than just the therapist trying to make money off me, by staggering on sessions.
I did like unity church. They were reading about Eckhert Tolle. They do a book study class every Wednesday night, I am going to attend this Wednesday. I loved how they talked about ego and self worth.
I think this is a start. Maybe this will help me to break out of my shell and comfort zone so I can start meeting new people.
Also, to make better friends. I stopped hanging out and talking to some of my old friends because they were always taking advantage of me. It was hard to do. But I had to do it.
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