Still
It has been so long
since communication
of any kind
ended between us.
I do my best to just
keep going;
past the demons
screaming within me
daily.
I had hoped
the pain of missing
would eventually transform
into melancholic memories
of the wonderful times we shared.
I wanted, desperately,
to believe
it had been memorable
for us both.
But as is the case
most often,
we rarely get what we want.
Reality prefers
to always
be in the spotlight.
Our last words to each other
were more
than hurtful.
Wounding deeper
than any blade
any slap,
any poke
ever endured by either of us.
So the raw bloody path
of fear's destruction
has not healed.
It still hurts
even now.
But there is a truth
I must accept
or I will drown
in my own heart's
stubbornness.
I was wrong.
I was naive.
I was blinded by his touch
upon the tender secret places
in the shadows of my soul.
I believed what I wanted to believe.
So in the end,
the responsibility must lie
in my choices.
I came to understand that he is
a characterless man;
a selfish being
who cares only
for easy things.
I know this.
I accept this.
I try to survive this.
But the knowing
does not make the rip
within my heart less bloody,
or the echo in my soul
less empty.
Even as I stumble forward
trying simply to breathe...
I still miss him.
I still love him.
I still believe in him.
That wonderful,
beautiful, talented man
I had glimpsed
behind the imposter in the mask.
63041 Category:(Poetry) Created:(7/4/2008 12:40:00 PM)