RULES OF THE OFFICE -
** If it rings, put it on hold;
** If it clanks, call the repairman;
** If it whistles, ignore it;
** If it's a friend, take a break;
** If it's the boss, look busy;
** If it talks, take notes;
** If it's handwritten, type it;
** If it's typed, copy it;
** If it's copied, file it;
** If it's Friday, forget it!
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Before I went to bed tonight I just had to let you know, that my love for you is strong and will always continue to grow.
Before I went to bed tonight I thought that you should hear That every moment we spent together, I hold so very dear.
Before I went to bed tonight I had you on my mind. I thought of things you've done for me, Things from a heart so kind.
I hope this letter makes you happy, If only for a while But I'd gladly write a million Just to see you smile!
I know this sounds crazy, Just like I lost my head. But I had to let you know, Before I went to bed.
You never know what might happen tomorrow. You never know if tomorrow will even come, so be sure send this to everyone special in your life because tomorrow might be too late!
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The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient.
"You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there - if I get there.
"So I really need your help. What can I do?"
The doctor mused for only one or two beats, then answered in his kindliest tones, "Pay me in advance."
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When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class, the little girl was quite indignant.
"No mommy, I don't," she replied, "because he's only interested in one thing."
Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be.
"Pokemon cards," said the toddler.
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When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local Motor Vehicle Bureau was packed.
The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
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TURKEY CAROLS STASHA, THE POLISH TURKEY (Tune: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
Stasha, the Polish turkey, Had a very funny walk, And if you ever saw it, It would surely make you squawk.
All of the other turkeys Used to laugh and call him names; They never let poor Stasha Play their little turkey games.
Then one drab Thanksgiving day, Mama came to say, "Stasha with your legs so fine, Won't you grace this table of mine."
Then all the turkeys loved him, As they shouted out with glee, "If not for poor old Stasha, Thanksgiving dinner might be me.
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PARENTING SKILLS
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:
"Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve...we got Forbidden Fruit!" "No way!" "Yes, WAY!"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God. "Why?" "Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" "I dunno," Eve answered. "She started it!" Adam said. "Did not!" "DID so!" "DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
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