Just a few jokes from my dad's joke book...
Q: Why is doing nothing so tireing? A: Because you Can't stop to rest
Q. What are two things you can't have for breakfast? A. Lunch and Dinner
Q. How many legs does a hourse have if you call it's tail a leg? A. Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it one
The Social Studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked. "Would say you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. Then the teacher asked. "Who'll give us a reason for being opposed to war?"
A large bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand.
"Moose?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Moose said. "Becasue wars make history and I hate history."
~How many of each does it take to change a light bulb?~
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light blub? One, but the light bulb has to want to change.
How many real men does it take to change a light blub? None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.
How many software programmers does it take to change a light blub? None. That's a hardware problem
How manyPH.d. students does it take to change a light blub? One, but it takes ten years.
How many basket ball players does it take to change a light blub? the whole team, but they get four creadits for doing it.
How many actors does it take to change a light blub? Fifteen. 1 to change it, and 14 to say, "I could have done that."
How many pdoctors does it take to change a light blub? It depends on how much health insurance the light bulb has
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light blub? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprsing twist.
How many jugglers does it take to change a light blub? One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
How many economists does it take to change a light blub? None. If the light bulb needed changing, market forces would have already forced it to happen.
How many baby-sitters does it take to change a light blub? None. Pampers don't come in small enough sizes for lgiht bulbs.
How many fisherman does it take to change a light blub? Five. You should have seen the size of the light bulb. Five was almost not enough
How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light blub? None, changging a light bulb isn't rocket science
How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change it and two to shout out, Ta-daaa!
How many country music singers does it take to change a light blub? Two. One to change it, and one to sing about how much she's going to miss the old bulb.
How many husbands does it take to change a light blub? One. As long as you ask him every day for a month.
How many gorillias does it take to change a light blub? One. But you need many many light bulbs.
Each kid in kindergarten stands up to tell the class what mommy and daddy do for a living. When stephen announces, "My father is a professional kill," the teacher gags, but says nothing. That evening, the teacher calls Stephen's home and tells his father what the boys said in class. The father is amused. "Don't be alamed," he tells teh teacher. "I'm actually an attorney. But I cant' tell that to a five year old child.
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