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Notice: This Advice is free advice and only for (Fun). It is provided by person or persons not affiliated with the Unsolved Mysteries website and neither Unsolved Mysteries or the persons giving the advice will assume any responsibility for consequences for the actions you take as a result.
Date: 9/29/2004 3:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 16061
I think he is using you and will never quit. If he really loved you and the children he would stop smoking. EVEN if you did keep the house spotless he would wait for one day when it was not spotless and start using that as a pretext. Only you can say go no one else. Just make sure you have somewhere to go to first, money and that you and the children will be safe. Maybe taking a break for a few days may make him see sence. I hope it all works out for you.  |
Date: 9/29/2004 3:19:00 PM
From Authorid: 47218
I don't see how your agreement to "keep the house spotless for the rest of our lives" in exchange for his not doing drugs is a fair deal. A. you shouldn't have to make that kind of deal with him. That's something he should decide to do for the virtue of being the right thing to do, and if he does it for other reasons, he's not gonna stick to it. B. you are a mother, you have a job and you attend school. Why is the responsibility for keeping the house clean solely in your hands? If you are both working (or working and going to school) full time, then the household duties should be split down the middle-- it's only fair. Finally, I can't tell you what decision to make here-- you have to look into your heart and decide what is best for you and your family. But, I offer this for your consideration: what are good reasons for keeping a relationship together? Because you are scared of being on your own? Just for the kids' sake? Do you think if these are the only reasons that you're in it, that this is going to be a happy environment for you and your kids? Relationships aren't always happy animals, you may not always feel euphoric about your partner, they take a lot of work-- but there's the thing. Both parters have to be committed to making it work. If one person isn't willing to do their part, then how can you expect to work things out? Finally, you're worried about making it on your own...hm, let's see-- you've been raising 3 kids, working full-time, plus going to school, and you almost have a degree. You sound like a pretty capable person to me! No matter what you decide. there's no need to base your decision on feeling helpless and insecure.  |
Date: 9/29/2004 3:54:00 PM
From Authorid: 62424
When people say that they're "staying together for the kids" ...its bull...and it never works...and the kids get hurt...you've been strong so far...stick to your words..you and your kids can make it on your own..just be true to yourself. You know what you need to do...gather up all the curage and strength you have...and do it. You'll be happier and better off  |
Date: 9/29/2004 4:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 22308
i think if he really loves you and your children enough, he should quit. from what your saying it doesn't seem like it at all. him being 26 and smoking weed is very irresponsible and dumb. i don't see the point in doing that. all it does is makes you do stupid things. and i agree, i would be scared too after 10 yrs. of marriage but if you do divorce him, you won't have to deal with his irresponsibility as a father and husband. i think maybe you should consider in getting him some help and you two marriage counseling if you really don't want to divorce him. if it was me and i was married to someone like that, i'd tell them how it is and if they didn't like it or anything like that, i'd tell them its over. i would never subject myself nor my children to that exposure at all as a mother.  |
Date: 9/29/2004 4:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 53909
I'm sorry to hear this happening. Ten years is a long time. I think that if he really loves you and the children, he would consider not smoking anymore. Maybe some marriage counseling might help. I'm sure that your kids will understand why you want a divorce and seeing you happier would make them feel happier. I hope that things work out with you and the family.  |
Date: 9/29/2004 5:24:00 PM
From Authorid: 12103
Well even though it is hard OBVIOUSLY for YOUR sake and YOUR CHILDRENS sake you need to get the heck out of there! You already know what you have to do, its just the fact of doing it already! If he was going to quit, he would of already instead of making some stupid "deal" with you...good luck..  |
Date: 9/29/2004 6:44:00 PM
From Authorid: 52489
I've just gone through a divorce, and believe me it is no picnic, but here's the question I asked myself: "Am I happier when I'm away from my spouse?" & "Do I dream about being single?" If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then divorce is the answer. Don't make your life miserable by staying!  |
Date: 9/30/2004 8:27:00 AM
From Authorid: 62901
I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through, but I thought maybe I could kinda help because a friend of mine is in a similar situation. And I've been trying to help her through it as well. Though she hasn't been married as long as you, and her husband doesn't "smoke", he hits her. But she's been afraid to leave him because she's scared to death, to do it on her own, she doesn't think she can. She also said the same as you, that he's a good father but a bad husband. It's taken me MONTHS to finally convince her that she CAN do it on her own. Anyone can do anything they set their mind to. Now, she's finally moving into her own apartment with her son this weekend. You just have to tell yourself that YOU CAN DO IT!! I am a single mom... I'm only 22, and I make decent money but not great, with no support at all from my son's father, and I do everything on my own. I have my own place and take care of it all. If I can do it, so can you. You can't stay with him just because of your children either. That can make it worse for your children to be around the anger and fighting of their parents. Just be strong, and follow your heart. If ever you need to talk, just msg. me. I can't always give great advice, but I'm a good listner and love to talk! lol... big hugs and take care... ~Rachel~  |
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48577 Category:(General Advice) Created:(9/29/2004 2:39:00 PM)