Date: 9/25/2004 12:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 50434
Thats a very good story for you to use. Great job and teaches a good lesson.  |
Date: 9/25/2004 12:22:00 PM
From Authorid: 37101
It's a good lesson. But I would read the story aloud and slowly, much like a kindergarten teacher would to a group of kids, to make sure the rhyming scheme is consistent and flows so it's easy to read and understand. It was good, but I noticed some rhyming inconsistencies. -  |
Date: 9/25/2004 8:36:00 PM
From Authorid: 10030
The teacher told them how Tim was bad. -->The teacher told them what Tim did was bad. | Tim isn't bad, what he did was bad. That can be confusing. | There are several points where the word choice is jarring, and others where it flows real well. Consider grabbing a friend to be a "student" and ask him to tell you where the lines tripped. Also, look over your punctuation-- you're missing commas. Great story, though!  |
Date: 9/26/2004 5:30:00 PM
From Authorid: 44348
the ending makes it better but i still stick to what i originally said the kid has to forgive him otherwise tim will still feel bad  |
27705 Category:(Fiction) Created:(9/25/2004 11:53:00 AM)