Date: 5/15/2003 12:07:00 AM
From Authorid: 13119
good advice but realistically it isn't always going to work out this way. My ex quit the military just so he wouldn't have to pay child support, kids are smart they are not dumb, my babies know that he is failing them without my saying a word. In three, nope sorry, four years he has seen them 3 times.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 12:14:00 AM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 42945
thanks Stace and Magoo, yes it doesnt always work out the way they hope it will, with these types of advice, and you're right, kids are not stupid and know a lot more of what is going on, but sometimes some people need a little steering in the right direction to help them...thanks for your good comment hun...hugs  |
Date: 5/15/2003 12:35:00 AM
From Authorid: 49742
Zema Sis this is excellent advice!  |
Date: 5/15/2003 12:36:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
Great Post!Zema,my husband and i had difficulty in our marriage this past (18) yrs.We argue off and on and he will try to show our kids that he can control me which he cant*nice try* .Sometimes he will speak againts me behind my back. They will then tell me what he said about me.There are times my oldest would repeat what has been said .My second child does the same thing.It has gotten to the point i felt used ,abused mentally and phsically helpeless to move forward knowing how he made me feel .This past two years the last time we argued .I made it clear to him and my children,that Mom and Dad's argument should not be involving them at all.I gave my husband ultimatum that he will be moving out and i will file divorce.I have been and always a good mother to my children and a wife to my husband.My past when it comes to relation seemed in a gray area.But people or whom had known do not understand what i had been through to even get to where i am now.I had worked hard to keep my family right above water.For what i had been through i should have left my husband in our first year of marriage.I stood by my kids and made sure they will grow up healthy,mind heart and soul.There ,are things i will not tolerate for my children to be exposed and that is drugs and alcohol.I am over protective.they are my life ,soul and my pririties in life.Their future must turn out bright for them.I had a difficulty growing up.I never felt anyone did really care for me.I dotn want my kds to end up the same way.I want them to graduate college and being able to feel proud and happy about themselves.  |
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Date: 5/15/2003 12:37:00 AM
From Authorid: 51393
16 yrs. |
Date: 5/15/2003 2:18:00 AM
From Authorid: 33925
This is an excellent article Zema. I went through a divorce several years ago, and had three small children at the time..I will not say that they did not see any distress from me at the time because they did..but VERY little..I tried very hard to keep them away from any of it, and made sure they knew that both parents love them dearly..Today, over 10 years later my kids are well adjusted and have a great relationship with both their Father and myself.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 3:47:00 AM
From Authorid: 30747
I am fortunate enough to have a good relationship with my sons father. It's been 12 years now and my son has never, ever heard a bad word out of my mouth about his dad and it's safe to say his dad has never talked badly about me. This is dispite the fact that that I have many things I could complain about, for example, his dad has managed to get away with paying only $25 a month in support for years, which seems to most rediculas and unfair but the important thing to me is that my son grows up seeing his parents respecting each other and, on some level, caring about each other. I honestly believe this has given my son a possitive, mature outlook on relationships. I have kind of an unconventional view of child support and that is why I don't make an issue of the minimal amount. I get the benifits of watching my son grow up daily. His dad does not. I get the hugs and kisses every day. His dad doesn't. Why make the man suffer financially when his dad is deprived of what money can't buy. I consider myself very lucky.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 4:31:00 AM
From Authorid: 28946
A good post and advice.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 5:00:00 AM
From Authorid: 53961
This is so very true. Thank you for sharing.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 5:40:00 AM
From Authorid: 18527
nice   |
Date: 5/15/2003 8:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 31255
I don't think these always work, divorce is always difficult for children no matter what, the younger they are the harder it is and supposedly the most damaging too. But I do agree these things help the situation, but I guess it wouldn't really matter anyway if your dad turns mental.  |
Date: 5/15/2003 8:48:00 AM
From Authorid: 46527
Well I didn't do the 'don'ts' and I did do the 'do's', my kids are fine with their father so I guess we got it sorta right.....  |
Date: 5/15/2003 11:20:00 AM
From Authorid: 28190
Good Post Aunty Zema.. Maybe it will help quite a bit.. It wont expunge completely the void in the child's life, but I agree without the fighting is much better. When my momma and Dad divorced, I went through a little of both situations.. but in the long run it became very apparent that my father didnt want to be a "daddy" to me, because he has chosen to come in and out of my life for years. Mom is good about it though, she never bad mouths him, but I can tell it upsets her to see how he upsets me sometimes.. Some things just dont work no matter how hard people try, and I guess this is one of them. I am happy though, because from what my dad lacks, my mom makes up for 10 fold and does it well *hugs*  |
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Date: 5/15/2003 12:06:00 PM ( Chatmin-FA )
Nice advice, especially since I'm a child in this situation |
Date: 5/15/2003 12:48:00 PM
From Authorid: 18928
really great post. im sure you helped someone by posting this. ((hug)))  |
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Date: 5/15/2003 4:58:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 42945
thanks to all who replied here with your informative comments...I know that in theory a lots of suggestions would seem to work but when it comes to the practical side of things, I know it doesnt always work...but I was just hoping it might help someone...hugs to you all.. |
Date: 5/15/2003 5:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
i think this or something like this should be handed to every parent who is seeking for a divorce  |
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Date: 5/15/2003 5:15:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 42945
thanks Midnightly for your great comment hun...hugs |
