explaining ethics to his son, , wooden nickel

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize shes given you two $100 bills. Now, heres where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"

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A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five years old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five years old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked: "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?"

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Title of the Love Ballads You can Sing to Your Beloved:

"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your Nose?'" Arnold, age 10

"'You Are My Darling Even Though You Also Know My Sister.'" Larry, age 8

"'I Love Hamburgers, I Like You!'" Eddie, age 6

"'I Am in Love with You Most of the Time, but Don't Bother Me When I'm with My Friends.'" Bob, age 9

"'Hey, Baby, I Don't like Girls but I'm Willing to Forget You Are One!'" Will, age 7

"'Honey, I Got Your Curly Hair and Your Nintendo on My Mind.'" Sharon, age 9

What Most People are Thinking When They Say, "I Love You":

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." Michelle, age 9

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat." Dick, age 7

How Was Kissing Invented?

"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." Gina, age 8

How a Person Learns to Kiss:

"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls." Julia, age 7

"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." Brian, age 7

"It might help to watch soap operas all day." Carin, age 9

When is it Okay to Kiss Someone?

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you ... That's why I stopped doing it." Tammy, age 10

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." Roger, age 6

How to Make Love Endure:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going towork." Dick, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love." Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." Dave, age 8

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YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE......

This one makes a very good point, we always seem to overlook the most important things...... This isn't like other quizzes....don't bother getting a pen and paper....just read. Stolen from elsewhere, but the sentiment is true.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners. 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Pulitzer prize. 5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for Best Actor and Actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series Winners.

How did you do?

The po! int is, none of us remembers the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They're the best in their fields, but the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Now, here's another quiz. See how you do on this one: 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. 6. Name a half dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier?

The Lesson?

The people who make a difference in you life aren't the ones that make the headlines, the most money, or earn the most awards. They're the ones who care.

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A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of, but none of them worked.

On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial, because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit, with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I thought, 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty!' So, your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance, the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer."

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The coach for the little league team had not yet learned the names of all the players, so he called them by the numbers on their uniforms. He yelled, "Number 5, your time to bat," and Jeff came to the plate to hit. He yelled, "Number 7," and Steve jumped up. Then he yelled, "Number 1," but no one got up. Again he called out, "Number 1." Still no one emerged from the dugout. The umpire was getting annoyed at the delay, so the coach yelled out, "Who's number 1?" The entire team responded, "We are, coach. We are!"

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Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.' Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just........................

Are you ready for this?



................................ Are you sure?............................





OK! Here it is!







............................... A COMMON TATER !!

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