Two boys from the city were on a camping trip. WOODEN NICKEL

Two boys from the city were on a camping trip.

The mosquitoes were so fierce the boys had to hide under their blankets to keep from being bitten.

Then, one of them saw some lightning bugs, and said to his friend: "We might as well give up, they're coming at us with flashlights!"

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A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.

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"If You Love Somebody"

THE ORIGINAL VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, she never was....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't comes back within some time limit, forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free ... * If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat *

THE ANIMAL-RIGHTS ACTIVIST VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... After all, every living creature deserves to be free!!

THE LAWYER'S VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...

THE BILL GATES VERSION: If you love somebody, Set her free... If she comes back, I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:: If you love somebody, Set her free... If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION: If you love somebody don't ever set her free.

THE HR SPECIALIST VERSION: If you love somebody set her free By Offering her VRS and other benefits Then outsource her.

THE MBA VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... instantaneously... and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, her super ego is dominant If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans. If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION: If you love somebody set her free... If she comes back, she has brand loyalty If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.

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A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it.

"What do you think mom?" she asked.

Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would have been 5 years older."

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The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What the Heck can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

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A Latin American tour guide was addressing a small group of senior citizens and telling them about the country they were visiting. When he asked if they had any questions, one person inquired, "What is the number one sport in this country?"

"Bullfighting," the guide replied.

The same person asked "Isn't that revolting?"

"No," replied the tour guide. "That's number two!"

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