The Good Times at Mourning Wood Mental Asylum #7 & 8 (<>..<>)

Episode # 7

[Scene 1. We see the twister nearing the mental institution. It knocks down some power lines. Next shot inside Jake’s room, the lights go out.]

AMANDA: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

JAKE: Quiet you!

AMANDA: Forgive us, we are all afraid of the darkness. Well all except Sheena, she likes the dark.

LISA: Hey guys! Now that this place is in total darkness we can probably bust out Beatrice.

AMANDA: Yeah, and the nurses are in a staff meeting right now.

JAKE: How did you know that?

AMANDA: [in evil Sheena's voice] Eavesdropping.

LISA: And you know I can bet you, they didn't lock their office.



[Evil smiles cross all their faces as they feel their way in the dark to the hall way.]



AMANDA: [as little Emily] hehe...hehe...hehe...

LISA: Come on now, we got to be quiet.

AMANDA: [as little Emily] I sorry.



[They are now outside the office. Lisa turns the doorknob and it's locked.]

LISA: Dang.

[Jake rams his foot against the door and it opens.]

LISA: Dang!

AMANDA: Now where do you suppose they keep the keys?

LISA: With Jake here we don't need keys.

JAKE: Found em'. See they were here on this key rack.



[They scurry down the hall to Beatrices room]

[Scene 2. Inside of Ryan's room, he is lying on his bed sighing, then he breaks in to a soliloquy.]



RYAN: Mmmmmmmmmmm, sounds like a storm out there. I've only seen Marsha on ten different occasions today, I wonder if she is alright. And I wonder what happened to that ring of hers? Oh well, if she lost it I will just make her another one. It's not like I want to take those pills to stop my obsessive thoughts. In fact, I really like my obsessive thoughts. Especially my obsessive thoughts about Marsha, and my fine looking ostrich boots, but mostly Marsha. I'm never board with my obsessive thoughts. Hey, you know what would be really fun; if I came up with a top 100 list of things I love about Marsha. Number one everything. Number two her eyes, they're so lovely and blue. Number three her teeth, I really love her pearly whites. Number four, her driving skills, as witnessed four days ago. Number five, her physical resemblance to the manikin in the movie Manikin. Number six, she actually saw the movie Manikin and liked it. Number seven, the way she smiles when she's happy. Number eight, the way she frowns when she's sad. Number nine, the way she so smart. Number ten, the way she always accepts my gift of pills I save for her.

[Ryan gets out of his bed and walks around his room. He hears some thunder.]

RYAN: Number eleven, the way she reminds me of everything, even that thunder sounds like her when she yells at me for being imperfect.

[Ryan walks to the dresser and picks up his pair of ostrich boots.]

RYAN: Number twelve, the way she pretends not to like my ostrich boots, when I know she really does.

[Scene 3. Camera shot of the staff sitting around the table in the dark. Everyone, except Daisy, pulls out a lighter so they can see.]

GRETCHEN: Lillian is that a new lighter?



[Lillian smiles and sort of blushes.]



LILLIAN: Yeah, you like it? I confiscated it from one of the patients. I like your lighter too, you know silver really is your color.



GRETCHEN: Well I've always said I've never been much of a "golden girl".



[Everyone holding a lighter laughs at her joke referring to a 1980's show about old grannies that are friends.]



MARSHA: And Ramone, that's a spiffy lighter! It looks like a pistol, but it's really a lighter.



RAMONE: Thanks. I can score you one if you would like?

MARSHA: I certainly would.

DAISY: Alright! Enough! We can swap lighter comments at a different time.

GRETTLE: Daisy's right, we need to start evacuating the patients to the basement. And remember to take plenty of straight jackets this time!

[Scene 4. Amanda, Lisa, Jake, and Beatrice are sneaking down the hall.]

AMANDA: [whispering in little Emily's voice] Uh oh I think I hear someone coming.

[They go back into Jake's room.]

BEATRICE: Thanks guys for helping me out, it was torture in that room. Well not as bad as Chinese water torture or some other conventional methods used with such groups as the Spanish Inquisition, but you know what I mean.

LISA: You know what we didn’t think of?

AMANDA: What?

LISA: What are they going to do when they find Beatrice not in her room?

JAKE: I don't know, but that wasn't really part of our plan.

BEATRICE: I really don't want to go back there.

AMANDA: [in Tracey's voice] Oh my gosh! Look at those power lines, they are just snapping right down.

JAKE: Well now we know why the power went out.

[Lisa for no reason starts jumping up and down, she is going into one of her manic episodes.]

AMANDA: Oh no! Lisa's going into one of her manic episodes.

[Everyone watches while Lisa jumps around the room with tons of energy.]

LISA: You know what I think of this place!

JAKE: Calm down Lisa.

[Lisa starts kicking the wall.]

AMANDA: Calm down Lisa... no wait! You keep on doing that, kick that wall like you've never kicked before!

[Lisa gets into a rage kicking the wall.]

AMANDA: A little to your left...Your other left now.

[The crack in the wall is getting bigger, there is now a hole to the outside. Everyone begins kicking the wall so the hole gets bigger.]

BEATRICE: We've done it! That hole is big enough for even me and my hips to get through!

[Lisa tired of kicking lays on the floor to catch her breath.]

AMANDA: I don't like tornadoes, but you know I got to go outside!!!

[She crawls through the hole and falls onto the grass below. Jake does the same, followed by a tired Lisa, and then Beatrice squeezes her way through the hole. They look at the tornado coming their way and run to the parking lot to take cover near the cars. Various things can be seen up in the twister. A rocking chair, candy bars, some money, a lunch box, and a DISCO SUCKS bumper sticker, which is followed by a RAP SUCKS keychain, and a TECHNO SUCKS sun visor.]



[Scene 5. The staff is walking down the hall taking patients to the basement to take cover from the storm. Marsha is carrying Ryan in her arms down the hall.]

RYAN: If I die in this storm, I want to die in your arms Marsha.

MARSHA: Oh silly, you aren't going to die, and I'm not going to want to hold a corpse.

RYAN: Number 67, the way she says the word corpse.

[Camera goes to Ramone who is walking with Jesus, Napoleon, and the dark ones.]

JESUS: I'm sorry my dad is punishing y'all. He is so strict, and sometimes he can just be such a 'whacked' out guy. I remember one time he was so mad he told me he was going to start a freaking huge flood. I was like "dad just chill out". And he told me, "now boy, don't give me any of that mouth of yours." Then he slapped me across the face and he started making it rain.

[Camera now cuts to Lillian who opens Jake's room.]

LILLIAN: What the? Grettle, you got to come see this.

[Grettle is pushing The Queen in her wheelchair.]

QUEEN: Faster now woman! What do you think your legs were made for?

[Grettle stops and looks into Jake's room.]

LILLIAN: I don't think the tornado did this.

GRETTLE: And I was going to have the drywall fixed tomorrow!

LILLIAN: I'm not sure where Jake is either, but we don't have much time. The tornado is coming at a rapid speed.

GRETTLE: He can't go far, the gates are up after all. But I sure hope he doesn't die, I mean the insurance we have to pay for this institution will be so high.

[They continue looking at the hole as the twister approaches The Mourning Wood Mental Asylum. The end of Episode #7.]



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Episode # 8

[Scene 1. Beatrice, Jake, Lisa, and Amanda are crouched between 2 cars hiding from the storm.]

BEATRICE: Here it comes!

[Violent winds start blowing trash in the parking lot around, the twister knocks down a power line pole right down on the barbed wire chain link fence surrounding the mental asylum. The twister continues through the other half of the parking lot to the building. It’s so powerful it tears off part of the roof and knocks down a tree where the crazies made their escape.]

JAKE: Well my room is now ruined, but at least we can blame the damage on the tornado and it's tornadic path of destruction.

AMANDA: Look it's still destroying the building.

[The tornado has torn another part of the roof off.]

LISA: I'm sure watching the destruction of this institution is fun for all of you, but we are missing an opportunity. See where that power line fell into the fence. I say we leave this place for good.

[They all gaze at their golden opportunity and start walking towards the fence.]

[Scene 2. In the basement of the mental institution are all the patients (some in straight jackets) others in wheel chairs, and Ryan is in the corner making out with Marsh, although it appears no one else notices.]



GRETTLE: You know Lillian we are in some real trouble now.



LILLIAN: What have you done in the past when you had missing patients?



GRETTLE: Never happened before, but I always thought we could blame it on the cannibal if it did happen.

[They look to the right. Camera zooms in to the cannibal who is strapped down to a wheelchair, wearing a straight jacket, has cuffs on his feet, and has a human muzzle on.]



CANNIBAL: Do you need something?

GRETTLE: Oh nothing, we were just wondering if you were comfortable enough.

CANNIBAL: Oh, I'm super.

JESUS: What's that noise?

RAMONE: It sounds like the roof is tearing off.

QUEEN: Marsha I would be delighted if you could stop displaying your lust towards Ryan, I don't want to be in the presence of sodomy.

[Ryan and Marsha stop making out.]

MARSHA: (whispers) I didn't think anyone would see us here.

RYAN: Hush Queen.

[The Queen straightens her crown and sticks her nose high in the air.]

NANCY: Harold, do you think our daughter is alright in this storm?

HAROLD: I could care less.

NANCY: Me too, I was just trying to act motherly.

MORTISHA: I wish I was with my children. I bet the little scoundrels are wearing bright clothing, it's dreadful I tell you.

NOSFERATU: I vant to suck your blood.

[Scene 3. The escapees are walking down the street.]

AMANDA: [in Tracey's voice] We need to get out of these clothes, people are going to know we are insane if they see us walking around in pajamas after a tornado hit the town.

LISA: Good thinking, and walking in these slippers is hard.

BEATRICE: Where are we supposed to find clothes?

JAKE: Let's ask those bums where they get their attire.

[They walk under a near by bridge and approach a group of bums.]

JAKE: Yo!

BUM#1: Hey there.

LISA: We have come to ask you a question.

BUM#2: Shoot.

JAKE: Well since recently finding ourselves homeless like yourselves, we were wondering where you got your clothes.

BUM#1: Well I'm all about dumpsters now, where my friend Bill is a strictly a homeless shelter man. Then you got Tina over there, she gets her clothes from sneaking into the lost and found at the local high school. Mindy the heroin addict still has clothes from when she was a model. And if by chance you get enough money begging Junkie’s Thrift Store is where it's at.

JAKE: Thanks man.

BUM#1: Well I'm glad I could help.

BEATRICE: So what do you'll want to try first.

AMANDA: Sneaking into a high school seems a little tough.

LISA: Homeless shelter it is.

JAKE: Dude! I just realized something, I didn't get scared when I saw those bums. I think I'm finally getting over my Caucaphobia, I have no fear of ugly people right now. But my paranoia is at an all time high. I think they are coming to get us!

[Apparently the mental patients have a good knowledge of where things are in the town so they set off to it.]

[Scene 4. Grettle and the staff are taking the patients back to their rooms after the storm now. Ramone walks up.]

RAMONE: The damage on the roof seems really bad. And I don't think we are going to find the missing patients on the grounds anywhere. A power line pole fell on the fence and I think they are on the run.

GRETTLE: Man this day really sucks.

[She walks over to the phone and dials a number. The screen splits into 2 parts, one with Grettle on the phone, and the other with a police chief.]

POLICE CHIEF: Hello.

GRETTLE: Hi, this is Grettle from the Mouning Wood Mental Asylum, I’m calling to inform you that four of our patients escaped.

POLICE CHIEF: Alright give me their description.

GRETTLE: Three white females, and one white male. They will probably be in pajamas. They aren't armed and dangerous, but they are crazy. The oldest Beatrice, is sixty years old and slightly obese, she is wearing a moo moo. Then there is Amanda who is sixteen and has multiple personality disorder, one of her personalities is violent. And there is Lisa who is also sixteen, she is a manic depressive paranoid schizophrenic. And Jake has paranoia and Caucaphobia, which means he's deathly afraid of ugly people.

POLICE CHIEF: I'll send out some patrol cars looking for them, you might also want to contact the local news so they can broadcast the alert. Also if you can fax us some pictures so we can have a better description of them.

GRETTLE: Alright, will do.

[She hangs up the phone and takes out a folder. She picks up the phone again and starts dialing.]

GRETTLE: Hello Mrs. Rascon, I'm sorry to inform you your son isn’t with us at Mourning Wood Mental Asylum.

JAKE'S MOTHER: He’s passed on?

GRETTLE: Not yet, he just escaped with four other patients during a tornado.

JAKE'S MOTHER: Well is he alright?

GRETTLE: I'm not sure.

[Scene 5. The escapees are inside of a homeless shelter digging through a box of clothes.]

LISA: Whoa some acid wash jeans.

AMANDA: Here's some overalls that might fit you Beatrice.

JAKE: Gosh I've always wanted a pair of suspenders.

BEATRICE: We should get some clothes that will blend in where ever we are going to hide.

JAKE: With the bums?

AMANDA: Better not, that's probably the first place they will look for us.

LISA: I got it! We could hide in the gay district. BEATRICE: And this pink bandana will go good with my hair!

JAKE: Better not, they might confuse you with one of the gang members in that district. The Pink Queens.

BEATRICE: Oh yeah, wouldn't want that.

[End of episode #8.]

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